[Writingworkshop] Stories

[Neale Morison]

Hi Chris and Sam. I am taking the stuff Sam is saying and thinking how 
it applies to my stuff. It's very insightful. I'm wondering though, why 
not switch genres? You make the rules. The world and all its metaworlds 
belong to you. The big rule for me is you can do anything that works. If 
you can get something to work that nobody ever does, so much the funnier.
Great discussion and great stories. Thanks,
Neale

Samantha Weiss wrote:
> Chris,
>
> Pages 1 through 9 of your second story have me locked in.  It is 
> marvelous, professional level writing, and the voice make it a joy to 
> read.  The situation with the e-mail and the n=1 walks that line 
> between being believable and absolutely fucking hilarious over the 
> top, and I'm just loving it.  I love that your character has this 
> clear goal, and then he goes and spends $2000 (first attempt) on the 
> most amazing attire and an escort besides.  The dress and the geometry 
> comments were particularly wonderful.
> When I start to sense malevolence, the storytelling tone changes.  
> Then all of this stuff happens in rapid succession for no reason that 
> I can tell.  It happens that he had called upon a werewolf to bring to 
> the ball... unforgivable author manipulation in a world where we 
> assume that most people are just people.  I wish there were some 
> reason that he had to have contacted a monster, though I can't think 
> of one offhand.  It happens that he sees McGrath at the same time as 
> Erica starts to change.  It happens that everyone knows who she is  
> (this I think, must be cut from the story).  It happens that McGrath 
> and Erica are not only involved but that she hates him so much that 
> she's willing to try to kill him.  (This would only make sense if we 
> see, in the phone conversation, your narrator explicitly tell her that 
> he is using her for a tool of revenge against McGrath, and that that 
> should be the focus of her evening.  If you go that route, then 
> McGrath and Erica can't know each other before hand).  It happens that 
> your narrrator is apparently the ONLY non-monster in a school where 
> even the graduate students are monsters (if they aren't, then there is 
> no way other faculty will turn into mosnters around him), but there 
> isn't anything aprticular special about him to make that be the case.  
> You also slip into inappropriate exposition (Even MIranda treated us 
> with a coolness quite unlike her, for example) instead of realized 
> scenes (as when Erica and your narrator interact)--which is fine for 
> unimportant scenes only.  That that moment that Miranda pushes him 
> aside is a really important moment, though and we should see it.  (And 
> other important scenes).  I would like to see a bit of the small talk 
> between Erica and your narrator.
> So I have two thoughts.  1)  My issue with structure is that the 
> narrator has one attempt:  when he gets the prostitute and the nice 
> tux.  Then everything else plays out around him like a movie 
> sequence--he takes no part in it--and we see a resolution.  This is 
> not good.  We need three attempts.  So if this were a nongenre story, 
> for example,  (I am completely making this up, just trying to explain 
> plot structure--this isn't even a suggestion) Miranda and McGrath know 
> each other, clearly have had a thing for eachother, and your narrator 
> is like WHAT THE FUCK I paid 2000 for this to not work, and then he 
> kisses her or something (2nd attempt) to piss McGrath off...  See 
> where I'm going with that?  There's a second attempt, brought about by 
> a strong causal chain.
> 2)  I really think this is a non-genre story.  The genre element 
> doesn't come in until the last line of page 12, in a story that only 
> has five pages left.  That is way, way, way too late.  The genre 
> elements either need to be there from beginning to end, or be hinted 
> at much, much, much more strongly than just the comment about the 
> period.  I also think you have two different stories.  A story about a 
> man who brings a prostitute to a school ball, and a story about a 
> monster ball.
> Okay.  Attaching the manuscript so you can see my thoughts throughout.
> -Samantha
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