[Writingworkshop] Hate Crime draft 2

[Neale Morison]

Yes. It's a psychological inability to see, so do not may be better. Done.
Antony Nigel Donovan wrote:
> It depends on what you're going for. Using "cannot" for me indicates not
> that the person is oblivious, but that he is actually unable to see the
> "psychotic stalker terrorist" with "a God complex."  Therefore, the
> danger may not be real.  Using "do not" indicates unwillingness to see
> or inattention to the danger close at hand.
>
> I prefer the latter, but that's because I perceive the danger as real
> and immediate.  This might be problematic for the closing on further
> reflection, so...
>
> Antony
>
>
>
> On Sun, 2008-04-13 at 15:44 -0400, Neale Morison wrote:
>   
>> It's a subtle change, Antony: cannot -> do not.
>> Do you think it's enough to drag it over the line?
>>
>> Antony Nigel Donovan wrote:
>>     
>>> On Sun, 2008-04-13 at 12:17 -0400, Neale Morison wrote:
>>>   
>>>       
>>>> I went back to the original images from the story of the starving dog in 
>>>> the art gallery, I took out the worst of the Dr Seuss on acid, and I 
>>>> gave the psychotic stalker terrorist more of a God complex. Is this any 
>>>> better?
>>>>
>>>> 2008-04-12
>>>>
>>>> Look at you sipping your chilled Chardonnay,
>>>> Chattering cheerfully, nothing to say,
>>>> Glorified, gratified, satisfied, smug,
>>>> Snug as a bug in a rug on a drug.
>>>>
>>>> Look at your eyes disconnect from your brain,
>>>> As you gaze unimpressed at a creature in pain,
>>>> Look at your brain disconnect from your heart,
>>>> As you glide through a gallery calling it art.
>>>>
>>>> Look at your manicure, look at your hair,
>>>> Nothing can touch you and teach you to care,
>>>> Nothing can open your eyes to the light,
>>>> To the fright of the sight of the plight of the night.
>>>>
>>>> When will you wake to the world you destroyed,
>>>> To the horror that yawns in the depths of the void?
>>>> Nothing can pierce through your passionproof skin,
>>>> To the moistness and softness and pinkness within.
>>>>
>>>> Look in the mirror. A glimpse of a face,
>>>> A flash of a fear of a frozen embrace,
>>>> What is the fate you are failing to flee?
>>>> You see your reflection; you cannot see me.
>>>>     
>>>>         
>>> You see your reflection;  you do no see me.
>>>
>>>   
>>>       
>>>> Cloaked in a cloud, camouflaged and concealed,
>>>> I am the reckoning, rarely revealed,
>>>> I am the terror that mangles your mind,
>>>> I am the footsteps that echo behind.
>>>>
>>>>     
>>>>         
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>>>   
>>>       
>>     
>
>
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-- 
Neale Morison
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