[Writingworkshop] Hate Crime draft 2

[Antony Nigel Donovan]

It depends on what you're going for. Using "cannot" for me indicates not
that the person is oblivious, but that he is actually unable to see the
"psychotic stalker terrorist" with "a God complex."  Therefore, the
danger may not be real.  Using "do not" indicates unwillingness to see
or inattention to the danger close at hand.

I prefer the latter, but that's because I perceive the danger as real
and immediate.  This might be problematic for the closing on further
reflection, so...

Antony



On Sun, 2008-04-13 at 15:44 -0400, Neale Morison wrote:
> It's a subtle change, Antony: cannot -> do not.
> Do you think it's enough to drag it over the line?
> 
> Antony Nigel Donovan wrote:
> > On Sun, 2008-04-13 at 12:17 -0400, Neale Morison wrote:
> >   
> >> I went back to the original images from the story of the starving dog in 
> >> the art gallery, I took out the worst of the Dr Seuss on acid, and I 
> >> gave the psychotic stalker terrorist more of a God complex. Is this any 
> >> better?
> >>
> >> 2008-04-12
> >>
> >> Look at you sipping your chilled Chardonnay,
> >> Chattering cheerfully, nothing to say,
> >> Glorified, gratified, satisfied, smug,
> >> Snug as a bug in a rug on a drug.
> >>
> >> Look at your eyes disconnect from your brain,
> >> As you gaze unimpressed at a creature in pain,
> >> Look at your brain disconnect from your heart,
> >> As you glide through a gallery calling it art.
> >>
> >> Look at your manicure, look at your hair,
> >> Nothing can touch you and teach you to care,
> >> Nothing can open your eyes to the light,
> >> To the fright of the sight of the plight of the night.
> >>
> >> When will you wake to the world you destroyed,
> >> To the horror that yawns in the depths of the void?
> >> Nothing can pierce through your passionproof skin,
> >> To the moistness and softness and pinkness within.
> >>
> >> Look in the mirror. A glimpse of a face,
> >> A flash of a fear of a frozen embrace,
> >> What is the fate you are failing to flee?
> >> You see your reflection; you cannot see me.
> >>     
> >
> > You see your reflection;  you do no see me.
> >
> >   
> >> Cloaked in a cloud, camouflaged and concealed,
> >> I am the reckoning, rarely revealed,
> >> I am the terror that mangles your mind,
> >> I am the footsteps that echo behind.
> >>
> >>     
> >
> >
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> 
>